James's Patronus
by superwholockfan
Summary: James Potter had it all. He had many admirers, was great at Quidditch, and was best friends with Sirius Black. He just happened to be in love with Sirius. What will come of it? James/Sirius. Rated T to be safe but probably won't meet that.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own nothing recognizable.**

**Author's Note: Sirius and James slash! No sexual content because I don't write about that stuff.**

**Chapter 1**

Sirius Black and James Potter were sitting lazily next to the lake. Remus and Peter were at the library, finishing some stupid essay. James was releasing that snitch he stole and grabbing it again and Sirius was telling him about this hot Hufflepuff girl he'd snogged yesterday.

"...And then I asked her to come up to our dormitory with me and she smacked me! Across the face!"

"That's great, Sirius." James said. He had stopped playing with the snitch and was staring out at the lake, a frown upon his usually smiling face.

Sirius crawled over to James and straddled his legs so James would have to look at him. "Jamie." Sirius whined. "This is serious."

James smiled at the pun but it was off. It didn't reach his eyes.

Sirius leaned forward so his long black hair tickled the bespectacled boy's face. "What's wrong? Talk to me Jamie."

James sighed, seemingly unaffected by Sirius's proximity. "It's nothing, Siri. I'm fine.

Sirius sighed and said, "James, I'm your best friend. You can't lie to me. Tell me."

James sighed "Idonwantohearabougirlsyousno g." He said in one breath.

"What?" Sirius asked, confused.

"I... I don't want to hear about girls you snog." James said, his face turning red.

"Why? You never minded before." Sirius was still perplexed.

"I...uh..."

"James! Sirius!" A voice called. James pushed Sirius off him and straightened his shirt, still red in the face.

Remus walked over with Peter trailing him. "We finished the essay for Professor Slughorn!" Peter squeaked.

James was staring at his shoes and Remus was watching the two of them curiously. He was the most perceptive of the group and could sense something was going on between the two friends. Peter babbled on about the essay until Sirius said, "Shut it, Peter! No one cares!"

Peter shut his mouth so fast it's a wonder he didn't break any teeth. James stood and said, "I...erm...better go get started on that essay." He ran off towards the castle.

"Sirius is everything all right between you two?" Remus asked quietly.

Sirius was staring at the direction James had ran off. "Hmm... Yeah, everything's fine Remus. Don't worry."

Remus gave him a searching look but said nothing. Sirius sat there for a long time not saying anything, wondering what was wrong with James.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I own nothing recognizable.**

**Author's Note: A ton of angst coming up! REVIEW PLEASE!**

James ran into the castle needing to get away from everyone. Especially Sirius. Stupid Sirius, with his perfect eyes and hair and... James shook his head. 'Don't think about him. Think about Quidditch, school, your parents. Anything but him.' That just made him think about him more.

James had been in his third year at Hogwarts when he realized he loved Sirius. Now, it was fifth year. He didn't even pretend to fancy Evans anymore. He was in love with his best friend.

It was heaven and hell to have to see Sirius everyday. James loved being best friends with Sirius. He loved that he could get Sirius out of his moods when no one else could. But it was hard to listen to Sirius talk about the girl he'd just snogged or the newest girl he fancied. Today had been the last straw. He just couldn't take it anymore.

James walked slowly up to the Owlery, thinking about sending an Owl to his parents. In truth, he just wanted to go somewhere no one would think to find him.

He leaned on the wall in the Owlery. He stood there for a while, thinking. He was there a lot longer than he'd realized. Remus walked in. "James! There you are! We've been looking all over for you!"

James snorted."Keep your pants on, Remus. I've only been gone about half an hour."

Remus looked at him worriedly. "James, it's been four hours. You missed dinner."

James looked at his watch and cursed. It was eight o' clock! "Must have lost track of time." He muttered.

Remus leaned against the wall beside him. "It's Sirius isn't it? You've fallen in love with him."

"How did you know? Does he know?" James half shrieked.

Remus smiled. "Sirius doesn't know. I know because I'm your best friend. I see the way you look at him."

James started to cry. Remus pulled James in for a hug. "I l-l-love him Remus! What am I going to do?" He sobbed.

"Well, do you know if he likes you?" Remus asked gently. James shook his head. "Then you have to tel him how you feel."

James nodded. He slowly pulled away from Remus. He walked down the stairs of the Owlery and back to Gryffindor tower. He wasn't a Gryffindor for nothing. He would tell Sirius and hope for the best.

James walked through the portrait hole, taking a deep breath. He scanned the common room, looking for his best friend. He wasn't there. Remus walked in and said, "He's in the dormitory. I'll keep Peter down here with me okay?"

James nodded and climbed up the stairs. He opened the door to their dormitory and walked in. The curtains on Sirius's bed were shut. He walked over and opened them.

Sirius was laying on the bed, sobbing. His thoughts about confessing his love flew out the window. James grabbed Sirius and pulled him into a seated position.

"Siri, what's wrong?" James murmured.

"I have to go home soon."Sirius sobbed.

James winced. He knew Sirius did not have a happy life outside of Hogwarts. His father would often beat him and both his parents favored his brother.

"Sirius, look at me." James guided Sirius's face up to look at him. "You don't need them. You don't need their love."

"I need someone to love me. No one needs me. No one cares about me." Sirius said bitterly.

"Sirius, I love you. I need you. Your my Padfoot. What would I do without you? Remus and Peter and I, we're your family."

"You love me?" A smile was slowly appearing on Sirius's face.

"Course I do, you git." James grinned at Sirius.

Sirius threw his arms around James. James hugged him tightly. They fell back so they were laying down on Sirius's bed. James kept his arms around Sirius.

"I'll be your family, Sirius. If it gets bad enough you can even come live with me. You can be my brother." James whispered, even though it killed him inside. It was what Sirius needed and James would suffer whatever pain came along with it. Sirius smiled and buried his face in the crook of James's neck.

"Love you, Prongs." Sirius whispered. He was already falling asleep.

"Love you too, Padfoot." James whispered. Sirius heard him, almost too quietly for him to hear, say, "More than you'll ever know." They both drifted off soon after that.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I own nothing recognizable.**

**Author's Note: I'm sorry I took so long to update! Please review!**

Sirius lounged on a chair in the common room, thinking deeply. What did James mean when he said he would love Sirius more that he would ever know? Sirius knew everything about James. Didn't he? Was James keeping something from him?

'Stop it, 're overanalyzing this.' He told himself. He checked the time. James had been gone for half an hour. He'd never taken so long to ask Lily out before. Maybe she finally realized how great James was and said yes. Maybe they were snogging right now. That thought should have made him happy. James had fancied Lily for years. Instead he felt...jealous. He suddenly imagined himself kissing James.

'Where the bloody hell did that come from? You don't fancy James!' Sirius thought. Then he imagined James face. He sure was a sexy bloke. Sirius shook his head. What was wrong with him? Why was he thinking about James? He wasn't gay! He was Sirius Black, the ladies man of Hogwarts! He shouldn't be thinking about James!

But he was. He couldn't stop. Sirius imagined James hands touching his face, his fingers running through Sirius's hair, his lips touching Sirius's...

Just then, James came through the portrait hole. Sirius blushed when his heart sped up and shook his head. James was his best mate. This was just a little crush. Nothing more.

Sirius picked himself up from his chair and walked over to the boy in question. "Hey Jamie, what did she..." he trails off. There are tears running down James face.

"Jamie, what happened?" Sirius says, concerned. James never cried. Sirius grabbed James's hands and led him to the large armchair by the fire. They could both fit in it, the scrawny boys they were. Sirius wrapped his arms aroumd James and he said, "Did she hurt you Prongs? I'll go hex her if you want."

James smiled a little at that. "Nah, it's not her mate."

Sirius was confused. What else could make James cry? "What is it?"

"Nothing, Sirius. I'm fine." James said, trying and failing to look happy.

"James, stop. You can't hide anything from me."

"You'd be surprised." James mumbled.

"What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean? Does it have anything to do with what you said last night?" Sirius shouted.

James head snapped up. "What did I say?"

"What are you hiding?" Sirius countered.

"Sirius, tell me. What did I say?" James said, his voice becoming deadly serious.

"No. Tell me what you're hiding." Sirius said shouted.

"Black, you tell me right now!" James screamed, jumping up and drawing his wand.

Sirius drew his as well and sneered. "You'd never hex me, Potter. You don't have the- PROTEGO!"

James had sent a curse his way. Sirius deflected it and stared at James, shocked. James was white and looked terrified. "Sirius, I-"

"Save it, Potter. Leave me alone." Sirius said coldly. He turned and walked up to their dormitory.

"Sirius, I'm sorry! Please, wait!" James shouted, running after the other boy. He caught Sirius by the arm.

"What?" Sirius snapped.

"I'm sorry Sirius! Don't be mad at me!" James said, crying.

Sirius's face softened. He pulled James in for a hug. James sobbed into his shoulder.

"Jamie, tell me what's up." Sirius said gently.

"Please Sirius. Tell me what you heard." James begged.

Sirius decided to just tell him. Maybe James would open up to him. "You said you would love me more than I would ever know."

James face grew pale. "I just meant that as a brother." He said hurriedly.

"Oh." Sirius said, trying not to sound disappointed. He admitted that he wanted James to like him as more than a friend.

"Well..." James started to say, but was interrupted by Frank Longbottom and his girlfriend Alice. They walked through the portrait joke laughing and talking.

James gave Sirius a frightened look and walked out of the common room.

Sirius collapsed into his chair again. Something was seriously up with James and Sirius was determined to find out what it was by the end of the week. No matter what it took.

**Author's Note: I know, it's short. I'm sorry! Please review and I'll update faster! Also, the reason for the title is coming in either the next chapter or the one after that!**


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